Sorry that I’ve been MIA- I know that’s no way to develop any kind of following on a blog. In that time I’ve written blog posts in my mind, on my heart, and even some on my computer. But, the truth is I didn’t know if I should continue this blog or not. A few days after my movie post, I told my guy about the blog. I didn’t think it was right to be writing a blog about how his disorder impacts our relationship and not let him in on it. So, in the spirit of full disclosure, I sent him a link too. And the result was silence. For 5 days until I finally texted him and asked what was going on. I can’t blame the blog or myself and I don’t know if it was a contributing factor or not, but we broke up. It was heartbreaking and hard and has torn me up inside. He told me that he needed time to get healthy and that trying to work on himself and our relationship at the same time was too much. And he was right. What an amazing man- wise enough to know he needed to focus on himself, strong enough to stand up to me when I whined about it, and loving enough to want to not take me for a ride on his roller coaster.
That was exactly a month ago today. Thirty days ago we had sat on his couch and had a hard conversation that neither one of us wanted, but we both knew needed to happen. We talked, we compromised, we cried, and at the end we prayed. It was honestly an incredible time even though it didn’t end like I wanted it to. The compromise that we reached was to take a month apart for him to work on therapy and for our feelings to cool down a bit. And then to try to be friends.
It’s been one of the hardest months of my life, but I’ve also learned more than I could have ever imagined that I would. I’m not sure what God had around the next bend for us, but I wanted to share some of the things that I’ve learned during our time apart. So my plan is to post something every day this week. Part of my hope is to help you all, but I’ll be honest- my main plan is to keep myself and my emotions busy. I did pretty well last week, but I’ve been a total wreck today and I’ve found this to be great therapy.
So tune back in for my posts on submission, why easier isn’t always better, self-care, resources for support, and finding joy when my heart isn’t joyful. And maybe while I write those I think of more! Sorry those ideas don’t rhyme or anything, but I don’t have enough in my creativity bank for that right now.